How to Outsource Your Humanity 101
You’re so busy climbing the corporate ladder that you can’t spare five minutes to ring mum and dad. But fear not! For a mere £24.90 a month, you can now hire a silicon-based impersonator to pretend it cares about your parents’ day. Welcome to inTouch Family, the service that lets you tick “filial piety” off your to-do list without all that pesky human interaction.
Now, I’m all for technological advancement. I maybe out of a job if I wasn’t. But this? This is like using a flamethrower to light a birthday candle. Sure, it gets the job done, but at what cost?
Let’s pause for a moment and consider how you’d feel if your annual performance review was conducted by ChatGPT. “Dear [INSERT NAME], your performance this year has been [GENERATE ADJECTIVE]. Please try to be more [INSERT CORPORATE BUZZWORD] in the coming year.” Sounds absurd, doesn’t it? Yet somehow, we’re meant to believe that outsourcing our family relationships to an AI is a step forward.
The testimonials on inTouch’s website are self-delusional at best. One user claims to feel “more connected than ever” to her mother after implementing the AI calling service. Right, and I feel more hydrated than ever after looking at pictures of water on Instagram.
Instead of teaching AI to mimic human connection, why don’t we use it to free up time for actual human connection? Imagine if we focused on automating those reports so you could call your mum yourself. Revolutionary, I know.
But no, we’re so “busy” that we need AI to call our parents. It’s like hiring a stunt double to attend your own wedding because you’re too occupied updating your relationship status on Facebook.
The irony is thicker than a compliance manual. We’re using cutting-edge technology to solve a problem that wouldn’t exist if we used technology properly in the first place. It’s like inventing a time machine just so you can go back and set your alarm clock.
Look, I get it. We’re all busy, the economy is hard, and burnout is real. But when we start outsourcing our most fundamental human connections to algorithms, we’re not just losing out on authentic relationships – we’re actively eroding what makes us human.
I’m not anti-AI… I’m just suggesting we use AI to enhance our humanity, not replace it. Use it to manage your calendar so you never miss a family birthday. Use it to automate your expense reports so you can knock off early and kick a football with your kids. Use it for anything and everything except pretending to be you in a conversation with the people who wiped your bum and taught you to tie your shoelaces.
Because let’s face it, when you’re on your deathbed, you’re not going to wish you had delegated more of your personal life to a chatbot. You’re going to wish you had made that call, heard that story, or said “I love you” one more time – yourself, not through an AI proxy.
In the end, the choice is yours. But while you’re weighing the pros and cons, your parents are waiting for a call. And trust me, they can tell the difference between you and a silicon-based impersonator, no matter how good the AI gets.
So go on, pick up the phone. Be a human. It’s what we do best.
– Thanks to Joseph Cox over at 404 Media for finding this gem of a story.
*** This is a Security Bloggers Network syndicated blog from Javvad Malik authored by j4vv4d. Read the original post at: https://javvadmalik.com/2025/04/15/how-to-outsource-your-humanity-101/
