Ask Chloé: Response Time Etiquette
Welcome to the Ask Chloé column on Security Boulevard! Each week, Chloé provides answers to readers’ questions to help guide them as they navigate the technology industry. This week, Chloé offers advice to an InfoSec pro struggling with response time anxiety.
Dear Chloé,
Do you ever get nervous when someone doesn’t text/Slack/email you back within a day? What does it usually mean when a colleague doesn’t respond after 24 hours? Is it normal for someone to be so anxious about response speed? Is there a certain timeframe within which someone should respond?
– Anxiously Waiting
Dear Anxiously Waiting,
I’ve certainly been there! To be honest, I think most people have been there at some point. The reality is that, as a society, we never developed norms and expectations around appropriate response time etiquette with these digital tools. Some folks expect a response within minutes; some folks aren’t attached to their devices 24/7/365. This can certainly feel like an emotional roller coaster if you’re expecting contestant digital availability. It can become a burden. When the pandemic started, we worked from home and increasingly were online and, ostensibly, were more available than before. Because we were stuck at home, many people began replying at all hours. However, this can lead to stress and anxiety and when that’s not dealt with it can lead to us being burned out from overcommunication.
We have to face the reality that just because we have 24/7/365 communications, it doesn’t mean we should communicate. To an extent, we have been conditioned to want immediate returns and replies when it comes to responding to or posting any materials online. For example, think of the instant gratification we feel when we post or tweet content via social media. We immediately see responses and likes. In return, we have been conditioned to expect the same from every type of digital communication. However, this conditioning has led to nervousness and anxiety when we don’t receive an instant response.
I want to point out that when people don’t respond or are slow to respond to these messages it’s because they are otherwise occupied. We have to remember that we don’t know why the person isn’t responding—and we won’t know because we aren’t in their environment; in many cases, we aren’t actually near them. It’s important to recognize that when we are anxious about why they aren’t replying, at that moment, we can be projecting falsehoods. Once again, because society never agreed upon boundaries and expectations for appropriate response etiquette, we don’t have commonly accepted norms and standards. This can cause uncomfortable feelings when we wait for a response or when we feel we need to respond. This also allows for our anxious imagination to run wild.
To sum it up, the pressures of 24/7/365 communication, being conditioned by social media’s instant gratification and a lack of social agreement around response time etiquette can cause us to become anxious about others’ response rates—and our own. Remember this and be kind to yourself and others by understanding that response rates will fluctuate from time to time because we are simply human.
It can help to set up your own boundaries and expectations around this and clearly communicate those to your colleagues. If you’re off the clock, make sure to set automated notifications so others know not to expect an immediate reply. You could even add your working hours to your email signature or your Slack profile (or whichever collaboration tool you use) so that it’s clearly visible. You can also ask for replies within a certain timeframe if a project or question is time-sensitive: “I had a question about X. Please let me know by 11:00 a.m. PT to keep the project on track …” or something similar.
Now, if after a message or multiple messages you don’t receive a response at all, which is also known as ghosting—that’s a completely different topic.
Learn more about the award-winning tech changemaker, Chloé Messdaghi, at https://www.chloemessdaghi.com.
Have a question? Want advice? Submit your anonymous question to Chloé: [email protected].